eucharisteo.

"This is why I had never really learned the language of 'thanks in all things'! Though pastors preached it, I still came home and griped on. I had never practiced. Practiced until it became the second nature, the first skin. Practice is the hardest part of learning, and training is the essence of transformation... This training might prove to be the hardest of my life. It just might save my life."

One Thousand Gifts
Ann Voskamp
 
it is no surprise to anyone, i have been in a funk. its been months now. it started with me asking God for more. not more stuff. more life. more of Him. it segued into a series of anxiety attacks, a lot of tears, some slight depression and a jumbled up mess of emotions. and then i begin to read "one thousand gifts." and this quote from ann voskamp's book... 

ive never been a quick learner. i have never been a determined practicer of any one thing. i barely got by in school. i do not retain information well. and anything i want to be good at, i must prepare to spend a lot of time doing and well, for that reason i dont. im not sure why this is. generational curse? personality type? birth order? no clue. but thats the way i have been for as long as i have known myself. so becoming fully aware of THE thing Jesus is determined to teach me in this horrendous season of life... gratefulness. 

in every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 

1 thessalonians 5:18

thanksgiving. to give thanks. being grateful. chalk those up to a few more things ive never been good at doing. and to find out it takes practice! i asked God for more. and i have been waiting to change. ive been waiting to wake up one morning and to feel grateful. joyful. thankful. changed. 

instead, i groan. i gripe at my toddler for waking up too early. i speak harshly when my six year old doesnt clean up after himself. i think negative thought after negative thought as things continue to not go my way. and i wait to change...

"practice until it became the second nature, the first flesh." oh how foolish i have been. how much time i have wasted on trying to be everything You never intended. the one thing i stress about greatly, in the inner most secretive places of my being is this question: what was i made for?

because people are good at music, so they play music. they become teachers, musicians, worship leaders. people who speak well become leaders, politicians, preachers. and if i am not good at any one thing, then who am i and what am i supposed to do with this life?

...whom i created for my glory.

isaiah 43:7

so whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 

1 corinthians 10:31

i have learned how to be content with whatever i have. i know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. i have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 

philippians 4:11-12

so... i will give thanks. when i dont feel like it. when im overwhelmed. when im happy. when im losing my mind. i will give thanks. i will wake up before my children rise and i will give thanks. i will tell Jesus of all the tiny things that He has given me. and at noon, when the two year old needs a nap and the six year old hits his head on the floor, i will give thanks. in the early evening, when kids do not want to eat what i made and i step in an oddly warm puddle on the carpet, i will give thanks. on saturdays, when we get to bask in the glorious sunshine on these five acres God has blessed us with. on sundays, when we are allowed to meet as a body of believers and sing of His beauty and suffering, i will give thanks. 

when i rise. 

when i lay my head. 

when i do life. 

i will give thanks. 

because this is what i was made for. eucharisteo. thanksgiving.