fear vs. faith

when i heard the song "oceans" by hillsong a few months back i immediately fell in love with it. but i also could have never expected the impact its words would have on me in the season to follow. this season. the season of so much growth, my bones ache. this season of full on submission, faith, prayer...

so after i had a cry-fest through that song this morning in our worship service, i breathed in deep for relief as the pastor got up to do his sermon. i could now stop heaving. i could rest in His word. it didnt take long for me to realize that this was not going to happen as easily as i originally thought. it was VERY apparent that God breathed my name all over our pastors words... another cry-fest. 
it has been one hard lesson after another: how to be better with our finances. how to be a better wife, a better mom. how to love people that quite frankly, i dont want to love. 

as if aaaaall of those things werent big enough, lets add one more life altering thing. my husband received a phone call two weeks ago from his boss stating that he would be let go from the contract the beginning of april. let me say, this is not the first time this has happened. its the life of a government contractor. you get contracts, you lose them. often times, for no reason whatsoever. this is one of those times. every time, there is a little shock of "what are we going to do?!" but, we just find another contract. so whats the big deal this go round? well, this is the FIRST place we have lived that we absolutely love. we have made life-long friends. my oldest has started school. the boys love it here. this is the first time that relocating is NOT and option. so what if its the only option left? what if God calls us somewhere else? this... it is this thought that plays over and over in mind.

so the pastor gets up and talks about fear vs. faith. ha! 

               Mark 4:40
           so He said to His disciples, "why are you so    
           afraid? do you still have no faith?"

do i still have no faith? after all of this time, after all of the deliverance, after God has proven Himself over and over again.  

               1 John 4:18a
          there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives 
          out fear

love. perfect love. the kind of love that can only come from the God who created everything, who sent His son to die for even me.

              Romans 8:28
           and we know that in all things God works for 
           the good of those who love Him, and to those
           called according to His purpose
                 
in ALL things! and i love Him. and oh, how i want to love Him more.


so these are the truths i will whisper to myself over and over again. tomorrow i will wake up and my wicked thoughts will go to worry. but then i will pray "perfect love casts out all fear... in all things You work for the good of me..." amen. and amen.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
 
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me  
You've never failed and You won't start now
 
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise  
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
 
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
 
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine