i by no means consider any death good. good is not the first word that comes to mind when i think of torture, sacrifice, bloodshed. but this day... this day is Good Friday.
without it, id be nowhere. nothing. just a mess of a girl.
Jesus in all of his infinite, mortal glory experienced something so tragic and dark. and it was good.
He took on all of our shame, lies, pervertedness, arrogance, gluttony, deceit, murderous thoughts, hateful words, depression, mediocrity, self loathing, and then he died. and it was good.
it wasnt an act of self. there was nothing boastful or shiny about it. He was a man obeying the command of His Father. acting as a final blood sacrifice. it was raw. dirty. unlovely. and it was good.
it was good. because without it we would all be damned.
however, we are redeemed. but only if we choose to believe this act of unspeakable grace. only if we let it change us.
..........................................
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
Im sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
Youve called me out of death
Youve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross Im reconciled
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
Im sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
-Jeremy Riddle "Sweetly Broken"
Friday, March 29, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
out of these ashes...
my prayers have changed quite drastically over the past few months...
i no longer pray for God to pay my bills. or to keep us healthy. He is no longer this small entity that i occasionally speak with when i feel it necessary.
He is huge. He is everything. and He is becoming so sovereign in my life that my prayers are less complicated. less about me.
i, now, pray that He would make me better. not physically. but spiritually. and not for my own gain. but His alone. so that i may speak, sing, love, sweat, cry the name of Jesus. and that my husband and my two little boys would be the same way. that is all. and in that tiny little prayer God is changing my entire life. He has begun to plant a seed in my heart. that seed, i am not yet comfortable with sharing publicly but it is there. and He has made it evident to me. i am now praying that He will make it evident to my husband.
i grew up in church. ive been a christian for 22 years. and i have heard the verse "ask and you shall receive" a billion times.
matthew 7:7
ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened
to you.
but i never really believed it! it cant be that simple. but it is! a few months ago, i asked Jesus to do a good work in me. thats all. just "do a good work in me." and man.... Jesus has, in all of His infinite glory, done just that. and He is not done. He will never be done with me. so i now know that all i have to do is ask and then be open to receiving whatever it is He has for me.
and let me just say, it never looks like what we have imagined for ourselves, thank God.
(i heard this song this morning and well, it is my life right now)
shawn mcdonald - rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
i no longer pray for God to pay my bills. or to keep us healthy. He is no longer this small entity that i occasionally speak with when i feel it necessary.
He is huge. He is everything. and He is becoming so sovereign in my life that my prayers are less complicated. less about me.
i, now, pray that He would make me better. not physically. but spiritually. and not for my own gain. but His alone. so that i may speak, sing, love, sweat, cry the name of Jesus. and that my husband and my two little boys would be the same way. that is all. and in that tiny little prayer God is changing my entire life. He has begun to plant a seed in my heart. that seed, i am not yet comfortable with sharing publicly but it is there. and He has made it evident to me. i am now praying that He will make it evident to my husband.
i grew up in church. ive been a christian for 22 years. and i have heard the verse "ask and you shall receive" a billion times.
matthew 7:7
ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened
to you.
but i never really believed it! it cant be that simple. but it is! a few months ago, i asked Jesus to do a good work in me. thats all. just "do a good work in me." and man.... Jesus has, in all of His infinite glory, done just that. and He is not done. He will never be done with me. so i now know that all i have to do is ask and then be open to receiving whatever it is He has for me.
and let me just say, it never looks like what we have imagined for ourselves, thank God.
(i heard this song this morning and well, it is my life right now)
shawn mcdonald - rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
a new season... a harder one.
it has been awhile since i have blogged. over a year, in fact. since the last post, we have moved from england to texas. texas to ohio. bought 5 acres and a house. corbin started school. rhys is 16 months old and a fiery, curly headed boy. and so much happens in a year.good... and bad. my best friend told me i should start journaling it all because when God shows Himself faithful, i will have a record of it. so here i am. journaling.
to get you caught up on everything that has happened (in a very short way):
i had a stroke.
our tractor and lawn mower broke down after buying the house & land.
the kids have been sick just about every 2 weeks this winter.
david had a tonsillectomy.
then david had to go back to the hospital to get his throat catheterized.
more money out of davids check is taken out for insurance purposes.
this week rhys has an ear infection and a sinus infection.
last night i went in the laundry room to find a puddle underneath the washer and dryer.
its one thing after another these days. and most of the time i just sigh and move on. but last night....
last night i stood in that puddle and a thousand emotions washed over me. defeat. anger. sadness.
my first reaction is "really God??"
my second is "please. stop."
the truth is my life is pretty easy. we may live paycheck to paycheck but we have food. we have a house. we have running water. and not just running water, but WARM water. i have a lovely little family and for the most part, we are healthy. so sometimes... often, i have to remind myself how blessed i am in order to get through the struggle.
so one day i will read this. and it wont be IF God is faithful. it will, indeed, be WHEN He is faithful (which is every single day of this life i dont deserve). i will read this and i will thank Him for the pouring out of rain. and even though right now it feels as though i may drown, i know He wont let me. one day i will even thank Him for taking me through this. whatever this is...
"indeed God knows every detail of our lives, and when we step out in faith to follow him, he will show us that our greatest security is not found in the comforts we can manufacture in this world but in the faithful provision of the only one who know our needs and the only one who is able to meet our needs in every way."
david platt, radical, pg 174
to get you caught up on everything that has happened (in a very short way):
i had a stroke.
our tractor and lawn mower broke down after buying the house & land.
the kids have been sick just about every 2 weeks this winter.
david had a tonsillectomy.
then david had to go back to the hospital to get his throat catheterized.
more money out of davids check is taken out for insurance purposes.
this week rhys has an ear infection and a sinus infection.
last night i went in the laundry room to find a puddle underneath the washer and dryer.
its one thing after another these days. and most of the time i just sigh and move on. but last night....
last night i stood in that puddle and a thousand emotions washed over me. defeat. anger. sadness.
my first reaction is "really God??"
my second is "please. stop."
the truth is my life is pretty easy. we may live paycheck to paycheck but we have food. we have a house. we have running water. and not just running water, but WARM water. i have a lovely little family and for the most part, we are healthy. so sometimes... often, i have to remind myself how blessed i am in order to get through the struggle.
so one day i will read this. and it wont be IF God is faithful. it will, indeed, be WHEN He is faithful (which is every single day of this life i dont deserve). i will read this and i will thank Him for the pouring out of rain. and even though right now it feels as though i may drown, i know He wont let me. one day i will even thank Him for taking me through this. whatever this is...
"indeed God knows every detail of our lives, and when we step out in faith to follow him, he will show us that our greatest security is not found in the comforts we can manufacture in this world but in the faithful provision of the only one who know our needs and the only one who is able to meet our needs in every way."
david platt, radical, pg 174
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