that word. often mistaken for happiness. like the small feeling you get when someone gives you a compliment. or offers a gift. even webster has it slightly skewed offering these as definitions-
: a feeling of great happiness
: a source or cause of great happiness : something or someone that gives joy to someone
: success in doing, finding, or getting something
but can you be joyful when youre not happy?
can you have joy when you dont receive a gift, havent achieved greatness or found that perfect something... or someone.
yes.
joy, i believe, is a state of being. not so much a feeling that easily passes as often as feelings do. but a consistent place where we rest. in the good and the bad. the easier times. and the times we are fighting tooth and nail just to keep our heads above the water.
its the breath that says "i can do this." its when the tears fall but you know it will be ok... eventually. its the smallest smile of my heart when nothing is going my way. because truth be told, this world is not my home.
joy is hard for me. i will be frank in saying, i come by it honestly. us linzy's arent known for our overwhelming positivity. the thorn in my flesh? no, its not porn or jealousy or envy or deceit. its negativity. its so easy for me. it comes out of my heart, exiting my mouth, like butter. and before i can get a hold on the words im speaking, theyre gone and passed to someone else. and its like an infection, spreading its way around the people i love, or dont particularly care for. it makes its way into the nooks and before too long im swimming in a vast sea of open criticism and bleakness.
but knowing is half the battle. thorn in flesh. check.
so what to do.... fake it till you make it? im not so good at faking.
but what my pastor said a few weeks back was eye opening. its praying about it. for it. then putting it into practice! not faking. practicing.
so i have been. practicing joy. when God has given me every reason TO be joyful and my first instinct is to complain about what i dont have or whats been done to me... practice. JOY.
its hard. and its worth it. and im still learning. and one day when i see the glorious face of Jesus i will have perfected it. but until then, i pray. and i have people praying for me. and slowly my first instinct is to take a deep breath and smile. not a fake smile. but one that knows from dust i came and to dust i will return and in the light of eternity all of this... its so. temporary.
ive got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart. where?
down in my heart. where?
down in my heart.
sing it with me.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. – Psalm 16:11 (NIV)
