a season of humility

its funny to me how the last few blogs i have written have mostly stemmed from a run. not really funny, more sad. these are the few times when its just me and Him. in the day to day, i am surrounded by toddlers wants and my endless to do list. so those moments (which should come more often and i will save that for another blog) when i let myself be alone. surrounding myself with all of creation and breath in. those moments are when i run and they are most often the time when God chooses to speak to me clearly and in the black and white.
what prompted my run was a challenge group that i am currently apart of, which challenges me not only in the physical aspect, but relational and spiritual as well. when i looked at the challenges for the week, i knew some of them would require more time, some of them would be easier and others could be difficult. i immediately went for the level 3 on the fitness challenges, because i am a very active person and the whole point of this is to push ourselves. i did all of my other challenges in the first part of the week but for whatever reason, kept putting off the mileage.  but i arrogantly kept telling myself, it would be an easy 5 miles so i could do it later. HA!
so i go to run this seemingly "easy" 5 miles. by mile 3 my body was done. i was breathing hard. i had been rained on for a good 30 minutes, my feet were pounding the asphalt, and i had the biggest cramp in my side. so i prayed. how easy it is to come to Jesus in the hard places. how difficult it is to humble ourselves in the things we are good at and ask for help. because it doesnt matter, does it? whether something comes naturally or not? shouldnt we still ask Jesus for help and for His glorification through it? He is teaching me a lot about humility these days. asking Him for help. asking His people for help. doing away with all of my pride and relying fully and solely on God. its devastating. and healing.
it reminds me of the way our muscles work when lifting weights. when you lift weights, small tears happen. and then you allow those muscles to rest and they heal. which is why you are to never work the same muscle group back to back. they need that rest time in order to fully heal. oh, how Jesus is the same way with us. i told Him i wanted to go deeper, months ago. i asked Him to change me. change my family. and He has been making these tears in my heart, as He works out all of the junk and despair. and when i rest in Him through this tearing process, it is then and only then that i am healed by Him and grow stronger through Him. that is what you call a beautiful breakdown. so i had to walk for half of my "run." because i was arrogant and i procrastinated. but walking helped me spend more time with my Creator. and i listened, which i dont do so well.
the tearing of the heart hurts. this season of humility is a painful process. oh but when i get to the other side. to be stronger. more courageous. knowledgeable. when this heart belongs solely to the One who made it and i can say, "it was not by my own strength..." what a day that will be.
so i will take it all now. because of the promises He has made for my future.

• 

  My Heart Is Yours

  Kristian Stanfill

  from the album Passion: Take It All

  Buy on Amazon | iTunes

   Play sample

  I give You my life
  I give You my trust
  Jesus
  You are my God
  You are enough
  Jesus
  
  My heart is Yours
  My heart is Yours
  Take it all
  Take it all
  My life in Your hands
  
  I lay down my life
  And take up my cross
  Jesus
  For You are my God
  Whatever the cost
  Jesus
  For You, Jesus
  
  All to Jesus I surrender
  All to You I freely give
  I will ever love and trust You
  In Your presence I will live