that ugly word... deployment.

its a wednesday. my alarm goes off at 6:30am. he asks if i will cuddle with him. he pulls me in close and we lay in the dark. the sounds of the noise machine and the fan, both which he cant sleep without, are playing in the background. he holds me tighter. its in this very moment that i know, he will accept the deployment position.

ten weeks sure is a long time to miss half your heart. people do it all of the time. and for longer. of this i am aware. this truth doesnt make any of it easier to swallow. easier to endure. when the clock move slower and the days seem vague at best, i will try to explain to my six year old the best way i know how. my two year old will ask "whered daddy go?," and i will make it seem exciting that he flew on a giant plane to a wonderful adventure over water and sand.

it wont be good enough.

but God is good enough. He is always good. and always enough.

so in the dark. when im all alone. when the only sounds are the noise machine and the fan, because they remind me of him. when it is the hardest. when i cant convince myself that any of this is worth it... i will cleave to to my Comforter. and He will speak life into me just as He promises.