out of these ashes...

my prayers have changed quite drastically over the past few months...

i no longer pray for God to pay my bills. or to keep us healthy. He is no longer this small entity that i occasionally speak with when i feel it necessary.

He is huge. He is everything. and He is becoming so sovereign in my life that my prayers are less complicated. less about me.

i, now, pray that He would make me better. not physically. but spiritually. and not for my own gain. but His alone. so that i may speak, sing, love, sweat, cry the name of Jesus. and that my husband and my two little boys would be the same way. that is all. and in that tiny little prayer God is changing my entire life. He has begun to plant a seed in my heart. that seed, i am not yet comfortable with sharing publicly but it is there. and He has made it evident to me. i am now praying that He will make it evident to my husband.

i grew up in church. ive been a christian for 22 years. and i have heard the verse "ask and you shall receive" a billion times.

           matthew 7:7
           ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened 
           to you.

but i never really believed it! it cant be that simple. but it is! a few months ago, i asked Jesus to do a good work in me. thats all. just "do a good work in me." and man.... Jesus has, in all of His infinite glory, done just that. and He is not done. He will never be done with me. so i now know that all i have to do is ask and then be open to receiving whatever it is He has for me.

and let me just say, it never looks like what we have imagined for ourselves, thank God.


(i heard this song this morning and well, it is my life right now)

shawn mcdonald - rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise