establish: [ih-stab-lish] (used with object) 1. to found, institute, build, or bring into being on a firm or stable basis. 2. to install or settle in a position, place, business, etc. 3. to show to be valid or true. 4. to cause to be accepted or recognized: to establish a custom. 5. to bring about permanently.

ive been saying for weeks now the same sentence. of course, only to those closest to me and this wrecked heart of mine. 

"im not ready for the struggle..."

this sense of struggle has been looming overhead for what seems like eternity now. i wasnt sure if it would come like a desert or a storm. both fierce in its own right. one begging for a thirst to be quenched and a cool breeze. the other crying out for the waves to stop, the waters to calm.

what i realized today is...
im already in it. i can say "im not ready for the struggle" all i want. maybe ive been in denial. maybe i didnt have the words to describe it. or an accurate picture to portray this feeling. this stage. this season. but it is here and has been for months now. it came on slowly. creeping into my heart one or two degrees at a time.

it is not a desert. 

it is not a storm. 

it is the Refiner's Fire.

every week has been something different. a new lesson to learn. with one objective in mind. TRUST ME. the interesting thing is its not a whisper or a yell [as that is what ive become accustomed to]. with each new phase of the impurities being melted away, He simply states "Trust Me." 

so here i am. mixed with ash and an amazing amount of heat. in the flames. melted. separated. but being made into something truly remarkable. something that when done, will exist to bring honor and glory to Him alone.

 

1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.