the difference between the two...

i think its inevitable, when you have two or more pregnancies, to compare them to one another. i did just that, as i took a morning walk along the canal and into town. 


i was 24 when i unexpectedly got pregnant with corbin. david and i had been dating a mere 2 months and i think we both had a mind set of "it could never happen to me." but it did. it happened. and the first 6 months of a pregnancy i never wanted was spent trying to get a guy to love me, wondering how on earth God could have thought i could handle this, and not knowing how i was going to raise a human being when i didnt even know who i was. the last three months were spent praying, forgiving, and being amazed every time i felt him move. i was a child when i had corbin. even in my mid-20's, i was a child. 


now i am 28. the first noticeable difference is the lack of energy i have with this one. i have no idea how i worked 8-hour shifts at starbucks up until the week before corbin was born! because now? a 30-minute walk wipes me out. i still dont have all of the answers. and im still trying to figure out who exactly i am. arent we all?! but i have a stable environment, a loving husband, a sweet boy, and a life i am glad to call my own. its a weird thing choosing to get pregnant. for me anyway. i always said that i never wanted kids. and i meant it. of course, with a little help from Jesus, corbin changed that. life changed. i changed. 


so you may not think much will change, when people ask you "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" but the truth is five years changes everything. next year you will be a different you. if youre not married, maybe you will find that someone. if you dont have children, maybe, by the grace of God, you will. if you dont know Jesus, maybe He will reveal Himself to you. or maybe your life will look exactly the same. maybe its just as simple as loving a little more, forgiving someone, making a new friend, talking someone down, or being more disciplined. 


life is funny. and cruel. its a never-ending adventure and i quit making plans along time ago. 


"many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails." 
  proverbs 19:21